When I arrived at work this morning, I found an email in my inbox from Travis, our programmer:
The Private Office of Travis Spangle has extended its gracious arm to the break room, if you can handle the sugar ( John ) your welcome to them.
I helped myself to a pumpkin fritter, and replied:
The public offices of Kerr, Kerr and Kerr extend their thanks for the most generous and altruistic gift of donuts (formerly doughnuts) and declare their intention to file suit of John can't handle the sugar. This display of gratitude does not constitute a binding legal contract.
A few hours later, the following notice was posted on Travis's door (well, it's not his door, but, for now—since the other two people he shares an office with are either sick or in California—it is, by default, his door):
Declaration of Independence
The Private Office of Travis Spangle has become stable enough to declare it’s Independence from the Spelling-Oppressive Nature of the Marketing and Graphic Art Departments.
With the emphasis on other languages ( although computer, i.e.HTML, FoxPro ) there are less resources available for your precious languages, such as English. It will still be known as the Official Office Language ( OOL ), however the only language that is required for spelling and grammar will be Wing Dings. Any other fonts/languages will be spell & grammar – checker free.
While acquiring my own postal code has become a bit of a hassle (papers, papers, papers ), along with other proofs of Independence. I will expect you to respect my wishes, any trouble with the locals will be dealt with as they come.
As a courtesy to those who might be confused we find it appropriate to keep an updated list of words that no longer have an official spelling.
Your– applies to all forms of the word, also the form: “ You’re ” may be used interchangably without excuse or reason.
Doughnut – Donut, Doenote, diddynut, dizznut
Poor Travis. We oppress him so.